A Different Truth by Joanna Denton

Author:Joanna Denton [Denton, Joanna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Joanna Denton
Published: 2019-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Build Your Community

Community is about belonging, not just fitting in. It’s about knowing and believing that who you are is enough. You don’t need to become an airbrushed version of yourself just to fit in with the gang or to fit into the corporate culture.

Community also is about connection. You show up in your truest and fullest sense and let others see you so that they can love and support you.

Finally, community, at least the sort of community I’ve described, leads to fulfilment. Maslow speaks of this in his hierarchy of human needs. He says we need the most basic of needs, things like food, water, sleep, warmth, and security. But to access the higher levels of personal esteem and self-actualisation and reach our full potential, we need love and belonging.

YOUR NETWORK IS IMPORTANT, BUT COMMUNITY IS VITAL

I would be wrong to say a network is not important. As you build your business, or advance in your career, you need a network of people who can offer a helping hand. But these people can generally be thought of as more of the “one-offs.” We turn to them with specific questions, requests, or opportunities. We’re probably more of our work selves with them, rather than our fully human selves.

To be fully human—and accepted for that humanity—we need community. A community allows us to belong and gives us the strength to keep moving forward. A network? A network may more than likely ask us to perform and may take more than it gives.

Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, was asked about the learnings from data collected on 268 men for nearly 80 years. He answered, “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health.” He goes on to say, “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care, too. That, I think, is the revelation”.2

Other research scientists agree. Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary, for example, studied the hypothesis that human beings need to belong. They concluded, “At present, it seems fair to conclude that human beings are fundamentally and pervasively motivated by a need to belong.”3

Brene Brown concludes similarly. In an interview with Forbes, she says:

True belonging is not passive. It’s not the belonging that comes with just joining a group. It’s not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it’s safer. It’s a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are. If we are going to change what is happening in a meaningful way we’re going to need to intentionally be with people who are different from us. We’re going to have to sign up and join, and take a seat at the table. We’re going to have to learn how to listen, have hard conversations, look for joy, share pain, and be more curious than defensive, all while seeking moments of togetherness.

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